I have always been driven and hard-working, but it does not take much for that cloud of doubt to descend and darken my mood.
Since September, I have been teaching Mathematics for a few hours in a primary school. I have been extremely lucky to get this job and love it! I also tutor at home and get a lot out of this. I have always been good at helping children and get a sense of satisfaction in knowing that I could make someone smile.
This brings me back to writing.
|This little cutie inspired me to write...|
The feedback I have had since sharing HYBRID on the 27th March 2012 has brought me from tears (of anguish when bad... as I expected everyone to hate it) to smiles and friendships. I have met so many readers, authors & joined so many online groups. I can't imagine a world where I am ever lonely again! Before the internet became a social tool, I never had anywhere to escape. Writing enabled me to find a place of my own, but it also led the road to social media - a place that always has more article, books, conversations, interesting posts, etc... than I could ever get through in a lifetime!
This is why I struggle to write... to persevere. I no longer need that sanctuary writing gave me. But, teaching again has given me that sense of belonging. I enjoy helping others as a teacher.
I also decided to get actively involved with the PTA again and this has also opened the door to more friendships. Yesterday, I helped out at a cake sale that raised £351. Very rewarding.
Writing can be a lonely and soul seeking journey and it is always interesting to hear why people write. You only have to go on to Twitter to see that there are thousands and thousands of writers... all with a voice longing to be heard. Some do it for financial gain, but most seem to be driven by their NEED to tell there story. Let's face it humanity is obsessed with the past. We want to know what people have done, will do, and hope to do. Our inquisitive minds have made discoveries beyond the realms of possibilities.
So, in writing this blog, I am smiling again. I understand that I can not stop writing, in the same way that I need to breathe. I probably will not end up with a bestseller, my new book might be a disaster and fail to impress.
I have no-one to impress but myself. What I have achieved is already out there. What I have not released is on my computer. So long as my children are happy and I still love my husband, what any strangers think of me is by the by.
I don't know who will read this, or what you will think, but at least by voicing my "issues" I try to deal with them in some way.
Thank you for reading,