About Me

My photo

Author, Avid Tweeter & Blogger, Lover of books, Teacher of Maths & Swimming, Mother, Speaks Spanish, Friend to many...

Friday, 4 March 2016

A Writer's Life...


I am currently in a state of confusion over what to do with my writing. For the past year I have struggled to focus on finding time or the inclination to write. I think I am lacking confidence, which has never been difficult for me. When faced with a challenge I am sometimes quick to doubt that I am capable.

I have always been driven and hard-working, but it does not take much for that cloud of doubt to descend and darken my mood.

Since September, I have been teaching Mathematics for a few hours in a primary school. I have been extremely lucky to get this job and love it! I also tutor at home and get a lot out of this. I have always been good at helping children and get a sense of satisfaction in knowing that I could make someone smile.

This brings me back to writing.

This little cutie inspired me to write...
When I started back in 2010 I needed to write. I had to release all those thoughts that desperately wanted to fly. I needed escapism and wanted to create something that was mine - that I could be proud of. The truth is that I am extremely proud of what I wrote. Three novels, one novelette, six short stories... all in the space of 2 years! How I did this, don't ask... I have no idea.

The feedback I have had since sharing HYBRID on the 27th March 2012 has brought me from tears (of anguish when bad... as I expected everyone to hate it) to smiles and friendships. I have met so many readers, authors & joined so many online groups. I can't imagine a world where I am ever lonely again! Before the internet became a social tool, I never had anywhere to escape. Writing enabled me to find a place of my own, but it also led the road to social media - a place that always has more article, books, conversations, interesting posts, etc... than I could ever get through in a lifetime!

This is why I struggle to write... to persevere. I no longer need that sanctuary writing gave me. But, teaching again has given me that sense of belonging. I enjoy helping others as a teacher.

I also decided to get actively involved with the PTA again and this has also opened the door to more friendships. Yesterday, I helped out at a cake sale that raised £351. Very rewarding.


Writing can be a lonely and soul seeking journey and it is always interesting to hear why people write. You only have to go on to Twitter to see that there are thousands and thousands of writers... all with a voice longing to be heard. Some do it for financial gain, but most seem to be driven by their NEED to tell there story. Let's face it humanity is obsessed with the past. We want to know what people have done, will do, and hope to do. Our inquisitive minds have made discoveries beyond the realms of possibilities.

So, in writing this blog, I am smiling again. I understand that I can not stop writing, in the same way that I need to breathe. I probably will not end up with a bestseller, my new book might be a disaster and fail to impress.

I have no-one to impress but myself. What I have achieved is already out there. What I have not released is on my computer. So long as my children are happy and I still love my husband, what any strangers think of me is by the by.

I don't know who will read this, or what you will think, but at least by voicing my "issues" I try to deal with them in some way.

Thank you for reading,
Vanessa

42 comments:

  1. Your words have an all too familiar ring to them, and something I'm sure I have voiced in the past. Most of start writing with such high ideals and ambition, only to become disillusioned somewhere along the way. Why some writers manage to find a modicum of success is an indefinable mystery, and to be honest, I have stopped berating myself as to why I am not one of them.
    I love to write. I enjoy the whole process and couldn't stop if I wanted to. It helps, I think, that I am now too old to worry about the future, so I just enjoy each day as it comes.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for commenting, Anita. Sometimes I need to just put my thoughts out there... I appreciate the fact you took the time to tell me I am (kind of) normal! :)

      Delete
  2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Writing for writing's sake is what matters, Vanessa. Do what you love and keep loving it. That's more important than any success and sales! Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree, Val... but, the point is that without sales I wonder why I stress about getting it done. I have years ahead of me. If no-one wants to read my work, why publish at all? :)

      Delete
  4. Ah, Vanessa! I actually answered what should have been an answer to this on your comment on my blog!

    I really understand the need, sometimes, to just get down on your blog what you're feeling, and put it out there, to see what others think - it's our virtual way of discussing stuff with friends! It does sound as though you worked it out in your head as you were writing and don't need my advice, buthHere's a link to that post of mine, anyway, so you can see what I wrote:

    xx

    http://terrytyler59.blogspot.co.uk/2015/06/before-i-started-this-self-publishing.html

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot, Terry - I think I just need to stop acting like a baby and GET IT DONE! I did write another chapter today... only 20 more to go! Ha ha :)

      Delete
  5. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  6. I think sometimes writing is a season in our lives, it may be revisited but it may not be constant. And I don't think there is anything wrong with it. I stopped my tips column this year because I no longer felt I had anything to say. After a few months break, I'm considering restarting it in a slightly different format. I published my first book because I got tired of answering the same questions over and over again and it was difficult finding where I had written it up on my blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I did this with my reader blog. I closed it down and then started another up a year later wondering why I'd closed it down in the first place! Oh well :)

      Delete
  7. Hi Vanessa,

    The part about writers having lonely time for writing is interesting as sometimes I feel just the opposite! There's too much loud around me (phone, people, social media etc) that I struggle to find the real loneliness. I don't say it's a bad thing, however I probably need a couple of weeks of vacation for writing and find a bit of "loneliness".

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I find the actual writing process lonely. Social media is anything but... :)

      Delete
  8. Hi Vanessa,
    There are so many ups & downs with writing and there are always things that pull us in other directions. I think that if you've been pulled back to teaching maybe this has something to do with your writing, perhaps a children's book is in your future or a novel featuring a teacher. The bottom line is that writing is a solo experience and it can be lonely!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha ha ha... the first novel I wrote had a teacher in it! It is still waiting to have the cobwebs removed and will probably never be published! :)

      Delete
  9. Your voice echoes my own feelings, Vanessa, and much more eloquently.

    I continue to write because I enjoy the process, the act of creating and seeing where my creation take themselves and me.

    I truly enjoy your stories and will continue to read and enjoy for as long you decide to write them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think I have found and keep finding such amazing books to read that distraction from writing becomes EASY! Thanks for saying hello, Gary. Glad to know you are still keeping well :)

      Delete
  10. "in writing this blog, I am smiling again. I understand that I can not stop writing, in the same way that I need to breathe" - and that you feel much the same regarding teaching, PTA, and your family - means to me, you are a wonderful sharing person.

    I've found, for me, sometimes that sharing is so similar to another thought you expressed - "I have no-one to impress but myself."

    From that though, it seems the impulse to share again always rises :)

    All the very best, Vanessa :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's an addiction... like me & sugar! :)

      Delete
  11. Writing is a blessing and a curse. We want the world to love our words and die a little when they don't. It's not easy exposing your soul. I think you'll be fine :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know I'll be fine, but it's good to know I am not alone. I don't think people who are not "creative" understand us... :)

      Delete
  12. Great post, Vanessa, and yes, the writing life is up and down - just like anything worthwhile. I think there are jobs, careers and callings... and often the writing life is the latter.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Trust me to find several... Teaching is also something I love & hate at times. Thanks for stopping by :)

      Delete
  13. Very well said, Vanessa. I enjoyed this & have to share it. Thanks so much!

    ReplyDelete
  14. I struggle with this as well. I've learned to honor the ebb and flow, most days anyway. Some days it seems futile and other days it's very rewarding. I haven't given up yet!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good for you! Love this Titanic quote, "To making it count!"

      Delete
  15. This business can be a rollercoaster. Just remember, write the best story you can and make sure it's a story you love. The haters will hate but the lovers will love! And, love conquers all.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Totally related to this. Sure, you have to write to an audience to sell a book. But you have to write for yourself first. If you like it so will others.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sometimes a writer can be their worst critic... at least that applies to me! :)

      Delete
  17. Hi, Vanessa. Please to meet you. In my experience, writing is as needed in my life as water or air. Sharing it with others was a natural outgrowth of the creative process, but ... yeah, publishing is still a business filled with creatives, and creatives can be -- uh, snarky, self-centered. PJ is right. If you write a story you love, that you would want to read, it will connect with readers ... in time.

    ReplyDelete
  18. I'm also from a science and math background. My MBA in Finance and my career did not fulfill me. I began writing later in life. It fulfills me like nothing else can. I'm making up for lost time. I write every day. I only have one book so far but it's the first in a series with two more to come. Good luck with your writing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good luck with yours... when I started out I was also that focused.

      Delete
  19. Vanessa, you've done well so far. We all write for different reasons. Each one valid. Best of luck with your projects.

    ReplyDelete
  20. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  21. I understand where you're coming from, Vanessa. When you have to write, you have to write. I write for myself and hope others find my romances entertaining, that is if they discover me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The IF is the pivotal part in that statement... best of luck to you & thanks for stopping by :)

      Delete
  22. Live true to yourself. Write when you have the time and the inclination.

    ReplyDelete
  23. I have found that the stories that won't let you go, the ones that force you to keep writing, those are the stories worth publishing.

    That's the way I decide what's next, by the nagging characters that refuse to let me be.

    :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. These characters are alive... or they used to be since I am writing a fictional account of my ancestors lives! Hard to get away from this project! :)

      Delete
  24. There's nothing wrong with taking a little break to get yourself together - you often come out with a renewed sense of purpose and your writing is even better as a result.

    ReplyDelete
  25. I wish you great success keep it up!

    ReplyDelete